The Washington Post’s Mensa Invitational once again asked readers to
take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting or
changing one letter, and supply a new definition. Here are this year’s
winners. Read them carefully. Each is an artificial word with only one
letter altered from a real word. Some are terrifically innovative:
1. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until
you realize it was your money to start with.
2. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
3. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people, that stops
bright ideas from penetrating. The Bozone layer, unfortunately, shows
little sign of breaking down in the near future.
4. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the
subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.
5. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
6. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the
person who doesn’t get it.
7. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
8. Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.
9. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
10. Karmageddon: It’s like, when everybody is sending off all these
really bad vibes, right? And then like, the Earth explodes and it’s
like, a serious bummer.
11. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day
consuming only things that are good for you.
12. Glibido: All talk and no action
13. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when
they come at you rapidly.
14. Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after
you’ve accidentally walked through a spider web
15. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into
your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out .
16. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in
the fruit you’re eating.
And, the pick of the lot…
17. Ignoranus: A person who’s both stupid and an asshole.
